Some 欠扁 jokes. Highlight for answers.

A man was sitting in an aeroplane seat when he noticed his old friend sitting behind him. The man immediately got up and greeted this friend behind him. After that, the pilot made an announcement. The man, realising that the pilot was also his friend, went to the c ockpit to greet the pilot, who happened to have the same name as his old friend. However, the man was taken away by the FBI and CIA after he greeted the pilot. Why?

Ans: HI JACK!

Osama bin Ladin, W. George Bush, Saddam Hussein and Tony Blair were playing mahjong. Who wins 1st?

Ans: Saddam, cuz he 'hu xian' (Chinese)

Someone accidentally dropped a dumpling onto the ground. Who will pick up the dumpling?

Ans: Xiang Long Shi Ba Zang (Descending Dragon pick up Dumpling)

Which Chinese host dun hav centre parting?

Ans: Wu Zong Xian (Jacky Wu)

Why can't foxes (hu li) climb trees?

Ans: Because foxes are 'Jiao3 Hua2'

An ant knocks the door of a HDB flat. House owner opens the door. "I want a place to stay", said the ant . "I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost", said the owner. Ant went inside and occupied that vacant room. After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the owner "Can you please allow this ant to stay along with me". "Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent" said the owner. After some days the ant brought one more ant and requested the owner to allow that ant to stay with it. Owner agreed to it without asking for any rent. This continued i.e ant brings in one more ant and owner agrees for it. On one fine day, the ant brought in tenth ant and requested the owner to allow that tenth ant also to stay with it. The owner said "Ok, you all can stay here but you need to pay rent". Now the question is Why did the owner ask for rent when the tenth ant came in?

Ans: Because they are now Tenants (Ten ants)

Why is fish cunning ?

Ans: cos yu pian mi fen (fish lie to bee hoon) actual :fish beehoon

Why Zhou Jie Lun Cross the Street Kana fine by police?

Ans: Cos Jay Walking actual :english name is Jay Chow

During what game,
5 is bigger than 0
0 is bigger than 2
2 is bigger than 5

Ans: scissors paper stone

What mouse use two legs to walk?
What dog use two leg to walk?
What duck use two leg to walk?

Ans: mickey mouse, goofy dog, all ducks

7 divided by 2 = ?

Ans: bu san bu si (cos 3.5)

Mr Bean's wife is going to give birth. Why he did he call Pizza Hut?

Ans: because pizza hut provides free delivery

Ah mei's dad has 7 wives, the 5th and 7th are africans. Guess a Chinese idiom.

Ans: wu qi ma hei

There's a party in the forest but... who didn't get to eat the cake!?!

Ans: GRASS because Cao Mei Dan Gao

Ah bao was murdered! however the police quickly found the killer.. who is it?

Ans: Ah Dou because Dou Sa Bao

Xiao Bai & Da Bai are brothers. As Xiao Bai grows older, he look more and more like his brother. Guess a Chinese idiom.

Ans: zhen xiang da bai

What's panda bear's 2 biggest wish on earth ?

Ans: Get rid of dark eye rings and taking colour photos

What did BATMAN say when he fell down?

Ans: Painful Sia...(Bian fu sia)

Xiao yang(goat), xiao niu(cow) and xiao zhu(pig) went to 7-11. Xiao niu and xiao zhu were beaten up.Why xiao yang was not beaten up?

Ans: Because 7-11 24 hours bu da yang (opens 24 hours).

We understand that if a green bean jumps down from a 10 storey building, it will become red bean, due to the blood oozing out that changes its colour. How about a banana which jumps from a 5 storey building?

A: Become brinjal. Cos banana got no blood and won't die, but it will become "orh cek" or blue-black

Which country got no vegetables?

ANS: CHINA (pronunce the name in mandarin is like asking "CHYE NE?" ---> Where vegetables?)

Which country is very unlucky?

ANS: VERY-SUAY-LA (Venezuela)

Q: What shampoo does christians use?
A: Rejoice.

Q: What shampoo does catholics use?
A: Head & Shoulders.

Q: What shampoo does Jesus use?
A: Follow Me.

Doraemon got how many sibilings?

A: 25, cos Duo La "A" Meng, Duo La "B" Meng etc etc.....

What food is not recommanded when playing Mahjong?

A: Sushi, cos it sounds like "lose until die" in Hokkien.

And wat kind of Chinese music instrument shouldnt be played during a Mahjong game?

A: Nan Hu, cos difficult to "hu".

McDonald's uncle and KFC uncle, which one is more skilful?

A1: Mac, cos Mai Dang Lao "shu3 shu4 you3 lian4 guo4".
A2: KFC, cos Mac uncle have to sit on bench but KFC uncle can stand the whole day.
A3: KFC, cos Mac uncle is a clown but KFC uncle is a Colonel.

A captain bought a new ship. He loaded all the electrical applicances onboard, except TV. Why?

A: Cos "xin1 chuan2 mei2 dian4 shi4" (Mediacorp).

Which countries' soldiers are the most disciplined & neat in drills?

A: Japan, cos Ayumi is "bin1 qi2 bu4".

Niu2 Qian1 Dao4 Bei3 Ji2 (Walk the cow to the North Pole). Guess a sports brand.

A: New Balance, cos "niu2 bei4 leng2 si3".

Pink Panther went to the hills to do what?

A: Da3 Lang2, Da3 Lang2, Da3 Lang2 Da3 Lang2 Da3 Lang2 Da3 Lang2 Da3 Lang2........ (hunt for wolf)

What do you call a prawn that has lost its legs?

A: Lame sia~!

If Farm A sells vegetable and Farm B sells fish, wat does Farm C sell?

A: Medicine, cos Farmer C (pharmacy).

Why does superman flies with two hands forward now instead of the one hand forward like last time?

A: Cos last time is use manual transmission, one hand need to change gear, now use auto transmission no need to change gear already.

Which cartoon character is the most helpful?

A: Doraemon, cos he likes to "shen1 chu1 yuan2 shou3" (shows his rounded palm/hand).

Q: a submarine can carry 10 people. there are 9 people; one who is pregnant. but, why did the submarine still sunk?

A: because the submarine is suppose to sink.

Who got the hottest leg in town?

A: CASIO, cos "KA SIO"....

Q: who is the first to die is there's a fire in the mrt station??

A: indians, cos their announcement always last.

Why did the boy eat his homework?

Ans: Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake

What is yours, but others use it more?

Ans: Your name

A blonde had just got a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.

When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road ad gruffly commanded the blonde "stand in that circle and DON"T MOVE!". He then went to her car and cut up the leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window out of her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.

He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it.

He goes back to his truck and gets out a can of petrol, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

"What is so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"